The Secret to Motivating Your Child
Welcome back, incredible BookDuck fans! If you have children, you must have thought about how to motivate them. If you don't know how to motivate your children and are looking for ways to do it, we invite you to listen to a wonderful woman named Jennifer Nacif, who knows how to motivate children.
She started her speech with the following words, “Parents try to motivate children, they do their best, but generally, what do they do?”
They use fear, “Oh, if you don't do this, mmm, big punishment.”
Or they bribe them, OK if you do this, you'll get this prize or this payment.”
And, well it works, in the short term. But there are ramifications and consequences that they're not aware of in the long run when they are educated in this manner.
How many of you would love to have a better relationship with your children? Maybe, everyone.
How many of you know how to motivate your children?
Don't worry, don't feel bad, if you don’t know.
All of you, by the end of this speech, are going to know, exactly, in one word, how to motivate your children.
Let’s listen to Jennifer’s real story.
She lives in Mexico City and they were at a party, it was a girl's 10th birthday. Her friend has four daughters and they were behaving.
It came to a point that Jennifer’s friend was very tired and went to the four girls, “The four of you come here, either you behave well or we're going to leave.”
Oh, and let’s mention, in Mexico the best part of a party is the piñata, a figure filled with goodies.
No kid wants to leave before the piñata.
So the first daughter stares at her mom and says, “Mom you're right. I've been telling my sisters to behave, but they don't pay attention, what can I do?”
So the mom goes, “Good job, you’re doing well.”
The second daughter looks at the mom and sobs. “I'm so sorry mom, I hate disappointing you, but see, if I don't do what my sisters say then they think I'm a goody-goody and I always follow you, and then they don't like me.”
“But I didn't want you to not like me either.”
Total depression. She goes to a corner, depressed. She needs therapy, probably, after that.
The third daughter stares at her mom, “My mom, beautiful, wonderful 'Preciosa mamita'.”
“You keep enjoying what you're doing, of course, I'm going to behave.”
“I'm having a wonderful time.”
She waits five minutes and guess what she does? She goes back to doing what she was doing.
And then, the last daughter stares at her mom and she says, “Oh really? Then we leave right now!”
What happened?
Same household, the same education, and they were raised in the same place.
Why did they react so differently? You might all say, “Obviously, they're different.”
So if it is so obvious, why do we so often give one instruction to different people expecting the same outcome? That's what we're going to talk about today.
So, what Jennifer did is that from Mexico City, she brought the four girls.
And they are going to tell you a bit about themselves, and the most important part: what motivates each one of them in several words and in one word.
So let Jennifer introduce you to the first daughter.
Her name is Donna because she's so dominant.
"Hi, I'm a controlling child, yes I am. I know it and I don't care. I like things done, not fast, super fast. I'm very independent, I like things fast, and direct, and I have a lot of willpower.
I mean, since I was a baby, you know if I was going maybe 4 hour's drive,
I didn't like the car seat, so I would cry. And I wouldn't stop crying, 'til the 4 hours were over.
I mean, I get what I want. I don't ask for it, I demand it. I mean, that's how life should be, no? Let's get what we want, let's insist on it.
I'm adventurous, I'm powerful. So, what do you think motivates me?
Challenges. I love being right. I know they say that it's more important to be happy. I don't know who says that. Being right is super more important than being happy. Winning and control are very important.
But if you can only remember one word, remember this: I need power. I like to feel powerful.
So the next time you're communicating with me, if you take away my power, you bring out the worst in me.
Next, she introduces Sally
"Hello, I am Sally, the social girl.
I'm a happy kid, I love fun, I love doing happy things, and connecting with people, talking to people, and getting to know people. Is there anything else in life than knowing a lot of friends, and having a lot of friends? So to me, helping others and having a great old time is wonderful.
What motivates me?
Connecting with others. OK, so [as] social people, we need [to connect] with people, to make friends, to help others.
My keywords are connection and fun.
My mother could have just come and said:
'Hey look at all those trees, don't they make amazing hiding places? Why don't you organize a great hide-and-seek game?'
Do you think I'm going to resist that? Do you think I'm going to want to go back to doing what I was doing when I can do a hide-and-seek game?
See how it flows, how naturally it comes, when we are motivated to do what we were born to do?
The third girl is Patty.
Good afternoon. "My name is Patty. I love helping, stability, and my family.
I love being close to my family. I miss [them] when I'm away. I don't like pressure, I hate confrontation. I stress out with that. I like for people to get along, to love each other, to share, to care.
What motivates me the most?
Harmony, safety, kindness, acceptance, helping others.
A key word for me: safety.
If I feel safe, I'll go to the end of the world, but If I feel threatened, I can even freeze.
So, what should have my mom said to me?
She could've approached me and in a very loving and caring way said:
'Patty, I know you want to please your sisters, I understand. And I know you feel bad because you want to please me, but remember, life is not about pleasing others. I know deep down in your heart you know what's right. Trust your heart, not people outside of you, but yourself. No matter what happens, I'm always here and I love you.'
So let's remember if you have kids like me, always through patience, love, and understanding. No pressure, please. We don't do well. Thank you."
The last girl is Anna
"Hi, My name is Anna. I am a very responsible child. Since I was born, I do what I am supposed to; I follow rules, and that's why they exist, I wish everyone would. I'm very ordered, I organize my things wonderfully well. So, I'm a very good child. I have good grades. You could almost say we're the perfect children. The problem is we need to lighten up sometimes because we take so much responsibility and so much so seriously, that we always have stomach problems.
When we grow up, if you know people like me, we have gastroenteritis and a lot of other stomach issues.
So what motivates me: order, structure, mental challenges.
Keyword: clarity.
Step by step, specific instructions and you will get the best of us.
So, in conclusion. We hope that you remember, when you talk to your children, what motivates them. Is it power? Is it connection and fun? Is it safety? Is it clarity? Be it what it may be, just change manipulation to motivation.
