Lucy Androski / How to Parent a Teen From a Teen’s Perspective

Welcome back, incredible BookDuck fans. Have you ever thought that you could write a book for your parents, on which they will raise you? No? Lucy had such a thought. Let's listen together to what she wanted to write in her book.

Lucy is a teenager like you. She also has thoughts about how her parents should raise her, and she talks about it on the Ted Talks stage.

How did the idea of writing a book come to Lucy Androski?

One morning, shortly after her 13th birthday, Lucy walked out to the living room and saw her mom reading the book called “1, 2, 3 Magic Teen Communicate, Connect and Guide Your Teen to Adulthood” by Dr. Thomas w Fallon. Can you guess what Lucy’s first thought was? It was that her mom doesn't need to be reading that. Lucy thought that her mom knew how to parent her.

The next week Lucy was wondering, what if she wrote a book about parenting? Wouldn't that be interesting? She bet every parent would like to know what their teens are thinking about parenting. So when this opportunity popped up, she thought this would be a perfect topic to talk about. She wanted to start with technology because technology's an area where teens and parents usually don't get along, mostly because of the difference between technology from today and her parents' routines. In her opinion a child should get a phone based on the environment.

And then you wonder, what Lucy means. And here's what. Living in Iowa, kids usually don't need a funny engagement. But kids who live in New York City, have to walk to school and give boon in the city. So it's more important to have a phone at a younger age for safety purposes. There's age, but there's also time to consider. For her, the Talmud should be anything that the parents can handle. What does she mean by that? If parents are spending 12 hours on their phone and until their kid only has one hour of screen time, there's a problem. Parents should not set time limits for a child if they can't follow them too.

Next comes stereotypes. In order to understand their teen, parents need to understand what their teen thinks of them.

Some teens describe their parents as certain stereotypes. These stereotypes fall into two categories, the boss and Luci Goosey.

1. The boss is a strict parent. They might hear saying “What I say goes, and when you make the money, then you can make the rules.”

2. The Lucy Goosey lets anything slide. For example, a teen could stay up all night, but the Lucy goosey wouldn't have a problem with that. A Lucy goosey could also be okay with one thing and be strict on another. For example, a teen could have a very strict bedtime, but have as much screen time as they like.

The parent that Lucy likes to see is not the boss nor the Lucy goosey, but in the middle. She calls this parent the listener. The listener gives directions, but let their teen have options. The boss and the Lucy goosey aren't bad parents, but the listener takes the good at these two and then leaves the bad.

Dear parents, if you are listening to this, just imagine your teen wants to quit the basketball team and get a job at McDonald's. If you’re a listener, you would ask questions before the teen would make a decision. The listener would also give directions on places to work if they didn't want them to work that place.

How about emotions?

But how can parents listen to their teen if they are so mad? Or how can your teen listen to you if you're so mad? We all have them, but teen emotions are very special according to Marwa Aza in her PhD article. Why are teens so emotional? The part of the brain that controls the emotional system is called the limbic brain structure. The limbic system is slower to develop than our logical system. It takes some time for a teen to connect her emotional system and her logical system. Basically, when Lucy is feeling sad or mad, her emotions feel very intense.

When she’s feeling sad or mad, it feels like a wave has just crashed into her. She’s not thinking why she’s sad or mad, it's just there. One day after tense practice, she was thinking to herself, she doesn't really wanna join the team. It was a lot of work and it was every day. So she asked her mom about it in the car. Her mom said that they're committed to the team, and all of a sudden Lucy started crying. She couldn't stop that wave. Emotions just hit her and she cried all the way home, and her mom was so calm about it. That made her even more mad. Lucy was expecting her mom to get really mad at her, but once she didn't, that got her really mad.

What Lucy learned about parenting?

When Lucy got home and calmed down, she thought about what just happened. Lucy just had her first mood swing and she didn't even know it.

So what Lucy learned about parenting from her first mood swing is that when teens experience a wave of emotions, the key for parenting is to stay calm. If parents stay calm, their teens' emotions will pass and they'll realize that they're being silly. But if parents fight back, their teen actually has a reason to be mad. They won't think about how they just had a mood swing. They'll think about how their parents just yelled at them. So parents, if your teens are experiencing a mood swing, stay calm and realize it's not you. It's your emotional state.

To sum up, as a beginner teen, Lucy is starting to learn about emotions, understanding technology, and seeing different types of parents. She also understands, since she is the oldest, her parents are bringing this up too. And by the way, she loves her parents, and this is not about how bad they are. Parenting. This comes from a variety of places and her realization on, wow, it's really hard. A parent, a teen, they all experience what is to be a teen. But with a little bit of listening, we'll all get to the finish line.